Mental Aspects of Ice Hockey: What You See, The Coaches See and Your Child Sees

Seeing is not always believing. And more importantly seeing is not always agreeing. Life is a matter of perspective and so is ice hockey. A coach, a parent and hockey player walk into a ba... No. No. A coach, a parent and a hockey player (your kid) are all seeing the same event differently. This is important because your child may believe they are moving quickly down the ice. They may believe they are chasing the puck into the corner. They may believe they are in position. They may believe the only option they had was to skate through 4 players. They may believe their elbow was their shoulder on the check they got a penalty on.

Sometimes we want to talk to our child about their performance in a game or at practice. The first barrier is recognizing they may see the event the same way you did or they may NOT. When this happens, it pretty much has the opposite effect then you intended. Your child may argue or feel you are just critical because that is not the way it happened (in their mind).

The best way to approach your child is to first ask them how they saw it or what they noticed. Explaining to them that you want to talk about it because you saw it differently or noticed something different, is probably the best way to start the conversation. All conversations do not have to go this way. Using this method, each side gives their perspective. It is a neutral  way to start.  As a parent you are still moving toward helping your child but you are NOT starting off by telling them how it is. A difference that matters even more, when addressing issues they are resistant too.

Video is a great equalizer. Most of the time your child doesn't know they have room for improvement. What they are perceiving and believing in their mind is often different then actual performance. Video is a great tool. Don't use it to point out what they are doing wrong. Use it to ask them what they notice and what they can do to improve just a little bit. They typically know how to improve and they can tell you what they need. They just have to agree there is room for improvement. Once they see themselves or agree they can improve a part of their play, it doesn't take long for a change to occur in their game. In short, once they are aware... they can change the behavior. They aren't always aware. And to be fair either are we. Check yourself before you check them. You are bigger and what you say hurts more. No pun intended.